It was a highly eventful day today. I didn't fully have to deal with everything today, but there was a lot on my plate. Two of the problems that I had to deal with had to do with the same kid. I tried to get the kid who was told by his grandmother and father to come up to Power Hour and do his homework to do likewise. He absolutely refused and I was unable to get him to come with me. My supervisor gave him the option of doing that or sitting in time out until the programs were over with for the day. Later on, he was playing in a kickball game. He got into an argument with the one of the players on the opposing team and threw the ball at him. The other player caught the ball and did not get hurt, but his intentions were to hurt him so I sat him down again. Also, when I tried to explain to him why I sat him down, he screamed and yelled at me. Therefore, I extended his time out by ten minutes.
I could probably fill up a whole page with the story behind this kid, but those of you who are following me will have to ask me in person about it because there is a bigger issue at hand that I want to address. Remember from the previous post when I talked about the girl possibly being abused? I spoke with my supervisor about that today. I told him, basically, what the girl said to me. I also explained to him that I had her tell one of the other staff members the exact same thing that she told me. When he spoke to the girl yesterday, he told me that she said everything was fine. He and I both agree on the same thing abou this issue. We think that she has made the marks herself and is looking for attention or that she might be trying to get her mother in trouble. We are not ruling out the possibility that she is telling the truth. In order to take care of the situation, everyone involved, especially me, has filled out an incident report because we are required to keep these things on file. The next step in the process is to get approval from the Executive Director of BGCHC to report the incident to CPS. He said he might go ahead and do so whether he gets the approval or not.
This is the first time I have ever been involved with a situation like this. I have already known that the first thing to do in this situation is to tell someone whether or not you think the child is telling the truth. If you do not report the incident, the child could get hurt and you will be in trouble for not doing likewise. Another thing I have learned to do, in case nothing gets done about it, is to make a mental note about it to see if there is a pattern. I also did some research on the internet after I got home tonight. I sometimes have wondered how things would be if I was wrong, but this quote from the Arizona Department of Economic Security website reminded me that I did the right thing either way:
"A report of suspected child abuse, neglect, exploitation or abandonment is a responsible attempt to protect a child."
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Joe,
ReplyDeleteIt is good to see you are enjoying your internship and getting involved in a positive way with these kids.
I was talking to some folks at church the other night and they were laughing about how they were "at risk" kids before anyone thought of labeling them "at risk". We all have been "at risk" at some point in our life or another. The interesting thing is that kids who don't know they are at risk are pretty happy and well adjusted right up until someone tells them there is something abnormal about their life. Just something interesting to think about.
You asked for advice so here it is. Whether you’re dealing with the young man who is argumentative or the young lady who is accusing her mother of abuse, remember that these kids are looking for attention (either positive or negative - usually they don't care as long as it is attention). You of course have to follow the procedures your organization and the law spell out. Within that framework, try to build trusting relationships with them. Even if they don't want to study and they just want to play ball that is ok. The first step is to build the relationship.
Secondly, all kids are manipulators. I love my kids, but this is even true of them. This is especially true of kids who are just trying to survive the catastrophes in their lives. They will play you like a fiddle if you let them. They are looking for whatever gets a rise out of you. They might tell you their parents are abusing them, or they might do the exact opposite of what you ask them to do. To them it is simple. "Get attention at all costs." They don't even realize they are doing it.
The best way to handle them is to remain calm about absolutely everything they tell you. Never show frustration and never get worked up about what they are telling you. Be kind and, like I said earlier, do what you are supposed to do within the framework of your organization. Beyond that, you may want to cry for them, yell at them, shake some sense into them, but you can't. You just have to be a rock. That is what they are looking for. Also, don't forget to set boundaries. They will run all over you otherwise.
You already know this, I am sure, that these kids lives are all emotion. They are with you because home sucks. They are bombarded with emotion after emotion all day. Be the calm, cool rock they are searching for. The reason Jesus is SO awesome is because He is our rock when our lives are turned upside down. Let Jesus work through you. Be the rock.
Andrea W
Andrea,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the support that you have shown me, not only throughout this internship, but throughout the entire time we have known each other. Especially with school and music. In case you have not read any of the previous posts, the grandmother of the little boy is the one who wants him to attend out Power Hour program. If it weren't for her, we would let him choose where he wants to go. She's the one who pays us in order for him to go there. She is probably the most reliable guardian in his life and knows what is best for him. We want to help her help him. It's likely that the family cannot afford a tutor and this is the only option she has. Plus he has total of eight ours a week to play at the BGC. I really do not believe that it would be a hassle for him to spend two hours a week working on his homework with me helping him.
As far as the situation with the girl goes, I did follow as much of the procedure as I knew of. I at least remembered the most important thing which was to go tell someone. My supervisor had the day off so I just told another staff member. I just played it by ear from then on and did what my supervisor told me to do. I really appreciate your input. I agree with you about standing your ground and setting boundaries. That is a real good point. I will see you in church on Sunday.
Joey